Mistakes
by Miss-Savvi
Summary: It was not like Jizabel to make mistakes. Perhaps the biggest one was not listening to the only person to ever care about him, to ever make him think twice about his father and escaping from pain. That mistake ended up costing him his life.


Alright time for a new story, because I've stayed up 'till two in the morning watching the show "Dexter"…an amazing show for those of you who haven't seen it. Dexter, the main character guy reminds me of Jizabel. My friend says he reminds her of Light from Death Note, and I guess I can see that too. Ah but I'm rambling. On with the story!

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It was not like Jizabel to make mistakes. The blade slipped and the girl's neck was bathed in blood. He cursed to himself, wiping off the scalpel with a gloved hand. Not that the blood was not beautiful; it was. However, now he had to find another victim, and that meant work. It meant killing. Not that he did not like killing; he did.

Jizabel was not angered by the fact that his latest corpse had been rendered useless for anything but a dissection. He was not even angry that he now had a mess to clean up all on his own. He was angry that _this_ was getting to him. That not having his assistant there was actually affecting him. Someone like him should not, _could not _be swayed by emotion. It was ridiculous that Cassian had even invaded his thoughts at all, let alone the amount of time Jizabel took up thinking about him.

Thoughts like "I wonder if he's alright…" and "I want to see him one more time…" kept him awake at night. Jizabel calmed himself by thinking _It's only natural that a doctor would want to see his patient to see how an operation went and to see the affects it had on the mind and body. _It was useless to lie, though. That was far from the real reason that he wanted to see his former assistant again.

Before he could mop up the blood, the door opened, and a slice of light shot through the darkened "laboratory". Footsteps approached, and Jizabel did not need to be told who it was.

"Yes, Cardmaster?" he did not falter this time. A few months ago, he would start to say "father" before correcting himself. A father was supposed to love his children, not use them as pieces in a sick game. Why hadn't he realised that before Cassian had left? Jizabel set the scalpel down, not wanting to think about that matter.

Alexis walked into the room, eying the mutilated corpse with no curiosity. _This _was normal to him. It was also what was normal for Jizabel…at least, it was. Nothing made sense anymore. He lay a cold hand on his son's shoulder. The gesture meant little to nothing now. Jizabel _knew _that he was truly alone, and that the man next to him did not care whether he was happy or sad, whether he lived or died.

"I just wanted to check up on you." He said. Jizabel did not respond. "I trust you're alright?"

"Why did you not send Ida or one of your assistants to check on me this time, sir?" he managed to ask through clenched teeth. Alexis was toying with him, and he knew it. A hidden motive, he always had one. He did not want to simple "check up" on the doctor any more than he wanted to gouge out his own eyes.

"A father can't see his son when he feels like it?" Alexis smiled. Jizabel's stomach tightened.

_This is what you've always wanted, right? For him to notice you? To praise you and acknowledge you? To love you? _

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you."

"Alright" Jizabel said, facing the man who stood next to him. He looked into his eyes, but they were emotionless. There was no "love" present. Again, Alexis looked at the girl on the lab table, this time with a hint of disgust.

"It's about that assistant of yours…what was his name again?" his father asked, pretending not to know. For a second time, Jizabel's stomach tightened and he replied quicker than he's have liked to.

"Cassian. His name _is_ Cassian."

"Have you heard from him, Jizabel?"

"No."

"He has not been here, I trust."

"No, he hasn't."

"Well…I believe I have some news you might find interesting then." Jizabel didn't want to play this game. He wanted to be left alone to think, and yet his thoughts were perhaps worse than his father's questions.

"What is it?" he asked simply. Alexis smiled, knowing very well that his words were causing the doctor to worry. Yes, this was the form of entertainment he liked best.

"I've heard that he's been injured." The doctor's eyes widened, and he felt himself becoming ill as his father continued to speak as though nothing was wrong. "Apparently a drunken man took a knife to his throat. At least, that's what another trump card told me." Jizabel felt his heartbeat speed up. "Pity, really. That should not affect you, though. I just wanted to tell you that…even though you're not at all attached to him, am I correct?"

_Why can't he leave me alone? Why is he doing this?_

"Yes, Cardmaster. You are correct to assume that." Alexis laughed.

"That's good...On another note…you're work has been more haphazard lately. I cannot be replacing your assistants all the time, so I ask that you try to clean up after yourself. Need I remind you what happens if you disobey me, Jizabel?" Jizabel shook his head and responded quickly,

"Yes, sir. I'll be more careful" His father's footsteps echoed in the room as he walked. Then, there was a pause and laughter in the door way,

"Jizabel!"

"Yes?" he wore another small smile that made the doctor cringe.

"I was merely joking about your assistant. I just wanted to see if you were truly as heartless as you act." And with that, he walked away, leaving his oldest son alone with his "work" once more.

_Why did you kill her? She didn't do anything to you, Jizabel. So why did you kill her?_ A voice in his head asked. Was this what pity was? Remorse for hurting another person…one he did not even know at that? Jizabel gripped the scalpel in his hand hard enough to draw blood, and left the room a few moments later, not bothering to heed his father's words, and clean up the mess he had made of his workspace.

As he lay awake in bed, staring up at the ceiling, tracing the intricate patterns etched into it, he thought about Cassian. It was the farthest thing he wanted to think about, but for some reason, he couldn't help himself. How was his assistant? A month. He'd been gone a month. Was he faring alright in the real world? A world outside of killing and pain?

Jizabel wondered if he, himself, even _could _survive in such a place. He smiled at the thought, and how foolish it was. It was not as though _anything _was different out there than it was at Delilah. In fact, it was worse. Everyone out there was blind. Life is suffering and they just did not know it.

…_God how I wish that were true…_

He closed his eyes, and something that Cassian had said to him once long ago returned to him.

_"You're not as smart as you seem, you know." Those words stopped him in his tracks._

_"What are you saying, Cassian" normally, he would lash out at the other man for speaking out of turn. What he had to say, though, interested him._

_"I said you're not that smart. True, you know a lot of things, but you really know anything about the real world." Jizabel almost laughed and said,_

_"And what would you know about it that I do not?"_

_"I know that people aren't all bad. That there is such thing as love…and that you're not as numb to everything as you claim to be, doctor." Cassian had stated simply. Jizabel was furious. At least on the outside. Inside, he felt his stomach twist, because he knew what Cassian had said was true… or he wanted to believe that it was._

_"You're lying. You're lying because you're foolish. You say that I'm the one who's not smart? Look around you, Cassian…There is no love here... There's only suffering and sin…and I'm a sinner." _

_"…no, you're not." his assistant said softly, and smiled sadly. "…this organization has twisted your mind, and blackened your wings. You're the foolish one, because you don't know any better…Do I have to die to make you see the light?"_

Jizabel cringed at that point because that is exactly what had happened. Cassian _had _given his life for him…and he spent his last words on the last chance that someone like Jizabel could be "saved". How did the doctor repay him? By being cruel and saying that he did not wish to escape, that he would rather suffer than know freedom…And yet, for some reason…even though Cassian only was another person, another sinner, he _saved _his life.

Why had he helped him? The most Cassian had ever done for him was annoy him to no end. It's not like his assistant was even extraordinarily helpful, and he disobeyed orders more than he did what he was told. So why had Jizabel helped him? In the hope that if Cassian was still alive, even in another body, that he could return? Perhaps in the hope that he'd continue to urge the doctor to escape from his father? That he could be _saved_? No, it was silly to think that way. He could not be saved be cause, he's said it himself, he did not want to be saved.

The clock rang in midnight down the hall, and Jizabel turned onto his side, setting his glasses on the nightstand. He ran a hand through his hair, and rubbed his eyes. It was clear that even if he went to sleep, it would not be peaceful.

"A father can't see his son when he feels like it?"

_"Yes," _Jizabel thought,_ "he can…but you're not a father…" _he was betraying himself by even thinking those words. He said them aloud, just to confirm that he was actually going against what he'd known all his life.

It was not like Jizabel to think this much, let alone about such foolish things. The moonlight cut a path across the room, casting shadows that suddenly seemed very frightening to the doctor. He pulled the sheets around his body, not bothering to change out of the bloodied lab coat. Since when did he feel this much? He whispered softly, feeling very childish when he felt tears slipping from his eyes.

"I understand what you said…Cassian…I get it now…Everything you told me is true…I'm not as numb as you think…and I think I need you here to keep me sane." He sniffed, flipping over to face the window, half expecting to see his assistant there, ready to save him as usual…but there was only moonlight, and shadows.

It was not like Jizabel to feel this much, and as he lay in bed, praying for sleep, he knew that he _needed _Cassian there with him. He closed his eyes again, and wiped tears away from his face. Not listening to what his assistant had said was a mistake that would eventually cost him his life…but it was not like Jizabel to make mistakes.

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Eh…What did you think? Alright for being finished up at one in the morning? Just send me your reviews and for some self promoting, read "Don't Make Me Be Myself" by Victorian-Affair. It's a collaboration story between me, Sorryll and SunilaMoon. So yes, check it out.


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